2008

Life is always so full of ironies. I've been putting off blogging for the past few days, so to save time for today's post, being the last day of the year. Originally, I had wanted to write about a (ahem)contemplative and retrospective reflection on my year that was 2008. This kind of deep thinking (ahem, again) usually takes a while, and since I've been out of the house for most of the day, and I have to get ready to go for New Year's Eve mass in about an hour, there really won't be sufficient time.

So I'll just keep it simple. It really just feels like another day, even though the next day I'll be stepping into a brand new year. 2008 was the first year I'd spent out of school, and my first year as a college student. Though I have to say, I feel like I've been studying more than anything else. The only difference is that I am more independent, and there's no longer the burden of school uniforms.

And this year I feel as though I've really grown as a person, more figuratively than literally (I think I've already maxed my height. Oh well.) I don't really know how to explain it; but I just feel less afraid of being open with people, of trusting them, of being friendly and proactive. Not completely anyway, I still many ways to go. And I've also learnt the value of good friends and family. There, I hope I've managed to say it without getting too schmaltzy. And there's a bunch of other stuff too, but I can't really fit it in now.

So I think I'm more or less ready for 2009. Hopefully :)

Knock Wood, Knock Wood

I just found out that the AS results would be out tomorrow (that is today, 22nd Dec), and really not in a way which I would have thought. Wynxon (thanks a lot, man) typed it in passing while commenting on, of all things, a picture of an infrared lizard. At which when I saw his comment, I gasped very audibly at the computer screen and immediately chatted him up, which went something like this:
Me: AS results out tmrw?!
Wynxon: (long explanation which I am too lazy to post)
Me: omh
omg
seriously ah?!
Wynxon: huh?
So as one can easily deduce, I momentarily (and completely) freaked out. Still a little jittery, to be honest. This is coupled with the fact that I've haven't really studied much of A2. This is the first time that I've ever felt so unnerved about receiving a public exam result, mostly due to the possibility that I may have screwed up pretty badly.

I can actually get by tomorrow, or I can just wait until the new semester begins. I usually believe in getting things over and done with quickly (most of the time anyway), especially when it comes to receiving exam results. But I don't think that I could spend the rest of the holidays asking myself every 'what if?' question I can think of. So for now, I think I'll wait till after New Year.

Edit (31/12/08): Well, this is a little late, but it was actually a false alarm. I can collect the slip to access my results online, which will only be available from 21 January, at 0900 hours Greenwich time. So I basically panicked for nothing. Oh, well. At least I got most of the nerves out of my system.

Blathering Rants

When I woke up this morning it was raining. Apparently it had been raining since pretty early this morning too. And it is still raining! Not very heavy rain, but steady enough to make the air pretty cool. But cool is good; it's the closest thing this country has to a snowy day. And I haven't seen a single patch of blue sky since, well, yesterday. Not that I've been able to check; it's hard to check the entire skies without stepping out of the house and getting wet. The assumption is based upon observations looking out the front porch window.

Frankly, the sky looks so dull and grey and gloomy that it's like it just went through a bad breakup. Maybe the sun had an affair with the moon during the last solar eclipse and the sky found out during the last lunar eclipse and is taking out its misery upon us poor unfortunates upon the Earth. That's just a theory anyway.

Concerning other matters, my phone has been acting kooky lately. I haven't been able to hear anything when making or receiving calls, but the caller or receiver can. Strangely enough, it works perfectly fine when I put the phone on speaker. I want to get it checked out, but I have the feeling that this will somehow get procratinated until the next blue moon.

Speaking of blue moons, I'm actually typing this post from my home computer (last post was from my dad's laptop). So yes, the home internet is running at a very respectable speed. Unlike for the past few days, when internet usage usually included the internet not responding, sending (or not) a report to Windows, rebooting the computer so that the Internet could (or not) work properly again, and repeating the process several times until I gave up decided to go watch TV instead. No doubt it will happen again, so I'm trying to savour the moment.

And last night the parents went to play Bingo in church! Hahaha. They didn't come home till one-thirty in the morning. It's actually a regular thing; Father Patrick has a Bingo set, and a group of them get together in the Resource Centre. It costs RM 5 to enter one round, so if several people play, you can actually win quite a bit of money! And no, the parents hardly won any money last night; Lady Luck is really quite very fickle.

As I type this last sentence, it is still raining.

Advent

I know it's been more than a month since I last blogged, but I have some pretty good excuses. Firstly, exams. Secondly, my home internet only runs at a normal speed once every blue moon. Thirdly, I've just been a little lazy since the holidays began.

All right, so the last one doesn't really count. But yes, AS has finished, and the holidays have begun. I would blog a bit about my exams, but thinking about it will just bring 'what if I had done this instead of that' thoughts back to my head. So I'll just say: exams were ok, but could have been better; and leave it at that.

And I am officially 18 years old! Hahahaha. What's there to say about turning 18 and legal? Honestly, it doesn't feel like anything special. Perhaps the moment has passed; my birthday was almost a fortnight ago.

Christmas is just round the corner. Well, four weeks is a pretty large corner. When I was younger, it used to be my favourite time of the year, when the Christmas tree would be set up, I would be getting presents, there would be all sorts of Christmassy activities to pursue, and free time provided by the long holidays. Now, I really can't be bothered about the Christmas tree, presents and so-called Christmassy activities don't serve much importance, and the holidays are just quite a dull time. I refuse to say anything about the Christmas spirit, because then it would feel like I'm in one of those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies.

And I have been tagged (by Kern Wen and Jun Yow)! Hahahaha. My first time, so this should be interesting.

Instructions: Remove one question from below and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post.

1. What’s your ambition?
To be the best version of me that I can be.

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
You can't choose! They're equally important.

3. How often do you think about suicide?
Never; though I have thought about quick and painless deaths.

4. What if you found out that your wife/husband is having an affair?
I don't know, I've never even been in a relationship to begin with. I suppose the logical thing would be to calmly sit down and discuss what drove her to have the affair in the first place.

5. How many babies you want?
Let's first get married and we'll go from there.

6. Favorite perfume/fragrance?
None, unless you count deodarant and the cologne my mum gave me several birthdays (or was it Christmases?) ago which I have only used once or twice.

7. What do you think will be your greatest downfall?
Incoherent communication skills and fickle-mindedness.

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
Yes, otherwise there would be no such thing as marriage, would there?

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to you (List 10)?
Intelligent; independent; a quirky sense of humour; kind; equal footing; practical; mature but not uptight or condescending; not too emotionally sensitive; honest/trustworthy; a good listener.

10. What feeling do you love most?
Contentment.

11. What are your bad habits?
Avoiding a problem and hoping that it would just go away.

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?
Use that energy for something else. You might just do something worthwhile.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
One does one's best.

14. What do you hate most in others?
Prejudiced opinions.

15. What have you secretly always wanted to be, knowing that it to be impossible?
To become the next Roger Federer. Hahaha..

16. What features/quirks do you find totally sexy on a guy/girl? Eyes. It's the only feature where you can tell someone's mood or personality.

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Kern Wen: somehow thinks he's the sexiest man alive.
Jun Yow: slightly mental and sick in the head.

18. What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
Becoming more comfortable with myself.

19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
To have a successful career and be financially independent.

20. What is something you will never regret doing?
Getting my dog Suzie from the SPCA.

I tag... any 8 people who have read this and have nothing else better to do :) .

In Memory of Biology

Personally, I've always liked biology. Half the people in my class think I'm crazy, but there you go. Mr. Chuah was my biology teacher for Form 4 and 5 and had been a constant in the school since I arrived in Form 1. So it was strange shift in reality when I found out that he had left this year because of his health. We all knew that he had to be in pretty bad condition for him to stop teaching. But it still came as shock when Clement SMSed me to say that Mr. Chuah had passed away from a heart attack.

In all honesty, though, my liking for biology had nothing whatsoever to do with Mr. Chuah's influence. To put it bluntly, he was as uninspiring as a sheet of sandpaper. He was the perfect epitome of the jaded senior teacher, one who possibly had been quite enthusiastic about his profession when he was younger, and who'd seen far too many winters (or in Manglish, monsoon seasons) during his tenure.

His teaching voice, which I can never forget, was monotonous enough to put anyone who was attempting to pay attention into mind-numbing doldrums. More of often than not, most people wouldn't even bother trying. I still remember the very first bio class, when he spent an hour and twenty minutes droning on and on about the study and origins of Biology, which comprised of just the first two pages of our textbook. From then on, bio classes would be usually two periods of talking (albeit relatively quietly), playing our own games (quite discreetly), doing our own work, or just plain sleeping.

He should be given credit, though, for trying to make classes more high-tech by bringing in the projector to make things slightly more colourful and interactive. And it was, sometimes, when there were pictures of the weird and wonderful, and the videos which sort of interesting at times. Unfortunately, the lights would be turned off, which made the class even more conducive for sleeping or other stuff that wouldn't be easily noticed.

Strangely enough, he never did seem to care about people doing their own work while he was teaching, or even sleeping (he did have it in against Dennis Toh, though). Or maybe he was just plain oblivious, which I highly doubt (teachers, as I've learnt being a student for 12 years, are much more perceptive than we give them credit for). I remember once, having the sudden noble oomph to pay full attention, planted myself next to a friend in the second row right in front of the whiteboard. As always, the execution proved too burdensome of a task. I had a good sleep for about 15 minutes during the second period, and woke to hear him going on about the different types of hormones. Honestly, you can be doing add maths right in the front row, fully equipped with graph paper and electronic calculator, and he'd probably keep talking.

Which brings me to the next point. Being as jaded as he was, he was so cynical that he probably wouldn't be moved even by the thought of children in poverty. Oh all right, maybe not, but he was very, very cynical of our performances in exams. He frequently said things like 'half of you all probably cannot even pass' or 'most of you not are not even becoming doctors, so why bother to study biology?'.

And Mr. Chuah, never, ever actually smiled in class, even though most of us still tried joking with him and treated with some form of friendliness. His 'smile' was more of a grimace, where he seemed to force his cheek muscles into curving upwards. And when he did actually smile, not grimace, it was rather quite scary. I think, to most people, he served as a personal challenge, where they would try to make him smile or (gasp!) laugh, and pry him for his personal and family details. Of course, no one could get a peep out of him (to my knowledge, anyway).

I do remember, as he was becoming increasingly sickly nearing our SPM and he had to go on leave for an operation, we (or to be more accurate, I think, Cheryl and Leconte) got a get-well-card and had everyone sign it. When we gave it to him, there seemed to be a hint of a tear in his eye! No one was sure, but some weeks later, someone said he/she saw the card on his table in the staff room. Maybe he wasn't as cynical or jaded as we thought him to be.

As he was the only biology teacher in the school, the 4S and 5S classes (and maybe K and L) would inevitably be taught by him. I think everyone will say that it was a most memorable experience, though not necessarily in the good sense. But once you leave school, and especially now that Mr. Chuah is gone, we can appreciate for the job he had done, for teaching us Biology the only way he knew how. It was all part of school life. And we can look back on those memories and laugh at those crazy times Mr. Chuah spent teaching us.

I'll always remember you, Mr. Chuah. God bless you and may you rest in peace.

Exam Post

My sister was asked by one of her customers (rich malay pro-government guy living in huge bungalow and owner of 5 cars, including 2 Mercedes; go figure...) to cater for a function at his house for around 300 people this saturday. Apparently his guests include many, many orang kenamaan, so everything, from the toasted bread to the nasi lemak and butter marble cake dessert, has to be perfect. Not that my sister and brother-in-law care about the many tetamu kenamaan, they just want the money and customers.

Since my mum is the official cake supplier of my sister's kopitiam/restaurant, cakes have been flying out of my mum's oven so fast and so many that there aren't enough oven mitts to go round. Well, that's a bit of a stretch, but the bottom line is that my mum has been baking around 7 cakes a day since tuesday.

Many, many cakes... there were actually more than these, but my sister had already taken a few earlier in the day and yesterday.

I am still trying to recover from yesterday's disastrous chemistry practical exam. So many things went wrong that I'm not really sure how to elaborate. From the fact that I couldn't figure out the final answer from my titration experiment, to the horribly untidy and unclear observations for salt analysis, to my own careless stupidity of forgetting to write down the chemical properties of the unknown chemical FA5, and that somehow the range of everyone's answers was from the minimum of 1 to the maximum of 10.

However, I am slightly consoled by the fact that I'm not the only whose practical was one unreactive mess. There were leaking burettes (new, or so they said); one of my friends (who would probably prefer to remain unnamed) had to use her mouth (!) to fill her pipette because her pipette filler couldn't work. The worst case was when someone else ran out of chemicals for the titration experiment, and they weren't any extra, and she wasn't allowed to take any from anyone else! The icing on the cake (or salt rubbed on a wound) was that this was the AS exams, the big Cambridge exam which everyone had preparing for the past year, and an exam which could significantly affect one's academic future or even career. So absolutely no pressure whatsoever. Ironically enough, I actually thought that chemistry would be my best practical. Clement, Dennis Toh or Saran, if you're reading this, shut up!

Today we had chemistry lecture, and this is the advice my lecturer gave us (paraphrasing):
"You must all focus on your next exams, don't worry about the practical otherwise you won't be able to sleep wan... don't ask me the answers for the practical, if I told you even more cannot sleep wan..." '__'

And then there was pure maths. I actually thought I had done decently well, until everyone got into an intense discussion about the paper and I found out that I had made grievously, minid-numbingly stupid mistakes. Let's just say the mistake could have been averted if I had just cross-checked my answer with the question. It still hurts to think about it, to be honest. Lesson learnt, though: never, ever discuss a paper after the exam.

That's only 2 exams done, I still have 9 (I think) to go. Up next week: Bio practical and applied maths (statistics).....

On a completely unrelated note, I found this article on yahoo which takes to a whole new level the saying 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned':
http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/online-divorcee-jailed-after-killing-virtual-hubby/1259111

The Deep Breath before the Plunge

So... in approximately 8 hrs and 15 minutes I will be sitting for my first AS exam, pure maths. Strangely enough, this paper I'm actually the relatively confident about, but the nervousness is still there. In unpleasently large amounts, if I'm being honest.

But it is the first exam, so I suppose you could call it the deep breath before the plunge, when one is afraid of that the water's so cold one would have to give up immediately, or whether one makes a bad mistake and hits his head on a rock and won't survive, or whether one dives in too deep and starts panicking so much that everything that's been learnt vanishes with the one second spent too long underwater. Most of all, one wonders whether he or she has prepared enough, practiced enough, worked hard enough, to make sure these things won't happen.

But the nervousness manifests itself in a variety of ways, one of which is me blogging right now at one o'clock in the morning. The other is that I try to take everything I need and more, so that I am prepared for any possible disaster (knock wood).

So this is the checklist I was going through my mind when I was packing 30 minutes ago (in no particular order) :

1. Statement of exam entry.
2. Notes and past year questions.
3. Two calculators - 570MS and 350MS, in case of the occurrance of my 570 going kaput (again, knock wood).
4. Chewing gum, which helps me think more clearly.
5. 2-3 packs of tissue, in case nature calls (knock wood again), or anything other emergency.
6. 4 different types of pen, each type in black and blue, plus one red pen for underlining, two mechanical pencils (each stocked with sufficient lead) and one eraser; all placed in a clear ziploc bag.
7. Protractors, compass, set square etc., also in the clear ziploc bag.
8. Long clear plastic ruler.
9. NOT ALLOWED: handphone, calculator cover, papers or notes, non-transparent stationery case and any other electronic study aids.

Right, the list did not sound so formal in my head, it's just how I write any kind of formal list. Also, I think I may have succeeded in making myself look like more neurotically-obsessive-compulsive-kiasu-study-nerdy-geeky than I already think I am, so I should mention in passing that I am really not like that in real life. Seriously.

It's already 1.30, so I'd really better stop and get some sleep. When I publish this post, it will be approximately 7 hours and 30 minutes until I step into that exam hall.

Exam Season

AS exams begin in 3 1/2 weeks, so I am in full study mode.
OK, not really la, but I am trying my best.

So-called study leave is just two days. Two days between the weekend and my first exam on Wednesday. I cannot believe they are calling that a study leave.

And somehow, during this major exam period, classes will still be in session. Imagine trying to focus learn next semester's material while half your mind is on next day's, possibly future-defining, exam.

And for the second year in a row, I have another exam on my birthday. This time the exam is Chemistry. The good news is that it's the second last exam.

Oh well, I suppose I'll just have to deal with it, won't I...
Just saying that so I won't sound like an emotional ranting adolescent :)

Post-Results Reactions

Alright, so I finished my trials a few weeks ago and this is what my results look like:

General Paper: 76
Maths: 78 (Pure Maths: 65/75) (Statistics: 33/50)
Physics: 45 (haha)
Chemistry: 73 (1 mark from an A!)
Biology: 72 (2 marks from an A!)

So it's glaringly obvious that Physics was a disaster and then some, isn't it? To be honest, I was terrified I was going to fail (passing mark is 40), so this is a huge, HUGE relief. Most importantly, my scholarship won't be revoked by the college.

Overall though, I am slightly disappointed because I know I can do better than what I did for these exams. Except maybe for physics , which makes me want to yell and pull out my hair almost every time I try doing exercises. But I have to be optimistic, so I'll try saying it again:
I KNOW I CAN DO BETTER. There, I hope that was more convincing. AND my actual exams start in 3 weeks, so optimism is a very good thing to have at the moment.

Right, so on to something else.

Looking back at previous posts, I realize that the only things I talk about consists of studying, college, exams, and more studying. So from now on, I am going to try, well, to put it bluntly, less boring. There are aspects of my life not related to my studies, after all. Being a little more personable couldn't hurt either, I suppose. Not to mention adding posts a little more frequently.

On a slightly related note, however, I don't think the number readers of this blog go beyond the double digits. haha...

And on a completely unrelated note, 1 1/2 years after I registered for Facebook, I have finally taken the step to respond (or ignore) the increasing number of requests on my profile. 312 requests, I wonder if that's some kind of world record...

So that's it for now, I will try to be back soon (key word here is try).

Exam Week

So exam week began today, and we had the two maths papers and General paper today. Overall everything was ok, except for my statistics paper, where I screwed up on my final two questions, worth bloody 13 marks.

And right now I should be studying for physics (paper 1). It's an objective paper, so I have a 1 in 4 chance in passing right? haha... Sigh. I have to be optimistic, so... Physics is as easy ABC!

Anyhow, I have to do well for these exams, with my scholarship on the line, so failing is definitely not an option. There's optimism for you...

Bio Practicals & Physics Class

We had biology practical yesterday, and this is what Wynxon came up with:

Seriously, biology practicals aren't always like that. We were supposed to cut up sticks of celery (yes, that is what it is) and place them in solutions of different concentrations, and record the effects on the sticks of celery. This experiment procedures were longer than usual, and Wynxon was bored. He called it his 'gubahan bunga'. Swt... I have to admit though, the result was quite original.

On a slightly unrelated not, there is extra physics class tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is a Saturday, so yes, physics on a Saturday. From 8 -12 in the morning. So that's right, 4 hours. Of physics. Which will probably be every Saturday until my mid-course at the end of August. Sigh...

Sunday Afternoon

I'm happy to say that I am not suffering from my usual pre-Monday syndrome. For those who don't know what this is, it is (from my personal defintion) the feelings of slight depression and lethargy due to lack of productive activity and the prospect of school/college/work the next day. I wonder if that could be an actual medical condition... and I discovered and first recorded it!! They could name it after me!!!

Ahem... that was a little random... so anyway, the 4th round of tests are over. I wish I could just forget about studies for a nice long while, but I can't. The mid-course exams are in 1 & 1/2 months, and I really need to keep up a consistent level of study if I want to do well. Not to mention the fate of my scholarship depends on how well I do for these exams. If I fail anything, the scholarship is withdrawn. No compromise, no discussion. AND I have need to have an average of 60 and above as the second condition. If the scholarship isn't in the equation, all these conditions would seem pretty trivial. It seems to be human nature that everything automatically becomes insanely difficult once there is a price attached to it. My physics lecturer (who is unnervingly similar to the former beloved bio teacher, mr. chuah) told the entire hall of students that we were going to fail our mid-course. He seemed to say it in a joking way, but still... choi ! choi! choi!

Results weren't exactly confidence-building either. Chemistry and physics were the worst. My chemistry lecturer gave a ridiculously tough test (which she called challenging, not difficult). and what's more, we only had 50 minutes. Physics was, well, almost to be expected. Just glad I passed that, to be honest.

Anyway, enough with college talk. Yesterday I went out for the first time this year. As sad as that sounds, it is unfortunately true. I am indeed an antisocial individual. Most of the time, anyway. So I was actually quite glad to pulled out of the house by cheryl (whom I was actually expecting to be all americanised). We managed to watch The Dark Knight (yes, that is my first movie of the year as well), and I have to say that Heath Ledger's Joker was simply terrifying. His acting (if he even was) was absolutely amazing. If I were to die a tragic death, that's how I want to be remembered. The movie itself was really intense too. Effects were great, acting was great, unrelenting storyline. Only thing was that it was kinda depressing, and by the end of 2 1/2 hours I felt exhausted. Suprisingly it was rated U, consider all the violence and disturbing elements. Even more surprising was getting tickets on opening day! HAH!

It was really fun to catch up on old times and get up to date on new news. OH! And among that new news: Dennis Clement Forsythe has a girlfriend! LOL... I'm sure almost everyone knows about this already, but it's still fun to talk about this. Really happy for you DC, if you're reading. You will be plenty teased and pestered and questioned by practically everyone you know, sorry to say (including me, of course).

And that will be it for me today... and let's make all former Stella Marisians know about our former school captain's new love in his life :)

Mondays and College

I don't like Mondays. But who likes Mondays anyway? The very thought of of getting back into the mode of studying or working really makes me feel depressed. Seriously, those people that like Mondays must either be workaholics or homeophobic (that's home-o, not homo. I actually made that up on the spot. Ha.). The feelings are the worst on Sunday evenings. I usually get too lethargic or depressed to do anything productive, so I end up spending an excess amount of time in front of the TV or the computer.

And today we had a physics test!! Thank goodness I did some studying this weekend. Fortunately though, it was relatively doable, even though I crapped some answers and a couple problems I left undone because I couldn't figure out how to apply the damn formula. The test was on waves, amplitude, wavelength, frequency and all that stuff. But I think did well enough to pass. Not an A, or even a B, for that matter, just a pass. I hope la.

And there are more tests coming up!! GP on Wednesday and Thursday (at least 500 words on history and education, eurhg... ), biology next Monday, chemistry next Friday (on EVERYTHING until the DAY BEFORE the test!!!) and pure maths the Friday after next. And then our mid-course is at the end of August. Sigh...

Since I'm already on the topic of classes, I might as well talk about Parents-Lecturers Day last Friday. It's like Parents-meet Teachers day, except this is, well, for college. My mum of course went, my dad would have come too if he hadn't some church thing. My mum has always been really semangat about this kind of thing. There was a Science & Maths exhibition as well (seriously, just like being back in school), and one of the helpers tried talking to my mum and me in Mandarin. Seriously, people just assume things. My mum can't speak Mandarin at all, and mine is far too rusty. So I pretended I didn't understand. I know, I know, that was a little mean. But back to PML (hey, a new acronym), as usual la, the lecturers didn't really have anything bad to say about me, because I very good boy... LOL. My mum was mean, she wanted to write in the comment card that a couple of the lecturers should be sent for an english course. LOL... But I have never really been afraid of PMT or PML days, because everyone usually says very nice things about me... haha.

Haisz... since my life college started has been studying and nothing else. I never went out that much when I was in school, only when people asked me. I hardly take part in cocurricular activities, but I really should, shouldn't I? Be more sociable and outgoing, so on and blablabla... Life right now is SIEN in block letters. Studying 24/7, and honestly I don't often do so when I actually should. That's a story for another day, though.

I've been going for pretty long, so I'll stop here and go walk my dog. She's been sitting and waiting expectantly at my feet for the past 30 minutes.

Trust

I have come to realize that I am not a very trusting person. In fact, I think this sometimes borders on paranoia that the world should know nothing about me. I could be Batman! He never trusted anyone, did he?! ..... OK, I know, that was completely random and a bit lame. But I'm really just typing as I think.

So what makes me think that I have trouble trusting people? Maybe it's just because I have trouble talking to people about myself. Is that because I'm just an introverted person? I know some poeple that would beg to differ to that statement.

Is it because I'm afraid? Of what the heck of anyway? Fear of being left alone? Loneliness? My God, I must sound really emo at the moment. Maybe acceptance then. I don't talk about myself because I'm afraid of being left out in the dirt? Aiyo, that sounds so sad...

But is that why I get so awkward around people sometimes? Don't really know what to talk about, and sometimes I'm just afraid to approach and talk to people. I always wondered what caused this, and I just realized that it is probably all my doing. I mean, it's my choice, isn't it? To talk or not to talk, that is the question. Fear and far too much self-awareness, I think that's what it is.

I was actually using the com to work on my GP homework (due tomorrow), but I had some random stuff on my mind, and right now I think this post makes as much sense as the random stuff in my head. Haisz... I shall go do something else now.

Excuses

OK... so there are a number of reasons why I haven't added a new post lately, and this is why:

1. The internet has been down ever since there was a thunderstorm Wednesday. To quote the eloquent words of my sister, "The com is fried". My dad told me that when lightning struck our house, the excess electrical travelled through the computer wires and overcooked the internet card and the phone line. Or something like that. Honestly, knowledge on how computers work is not my forte. Anyhow, my dad managed to get it fixed this afternoon.
2. Before the internet got fried, I was busy with an assignment for my General Paper class. We had to do a research project on a famous historical person. Sounds fascinating, doesn't it? The person I chose was Martin Luther, the man who began the Reformation in 16th century Europe, NOT Martin Luther King, Jr. (I could not believe that EVERY SINGLE PERSON I told naturally assumed that I was researching on MLK Jr!! Seriously la, one name has KING JR. , and the other doesn't! Come on la people, it is not that hard. One is MARTIN LUTHER, the other MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR!) Anyway... it was not that dull after all, I managed to find out some interesting stuff (those popes during that time had some pretty big skeletons in their closets), and I think it was a little too long after I finished.
3. Ok la... this memang going to sound a bit the sad, but I haven't been sure of what to blog about these past few days. Maybe because it's just my second post, or maybe I just think about things too much. Both la maybe, but the good thing is that I have my second post up and posted! Woohoo!

Ok la... that's it for now, I will post some other random thing later.

Attempt No. 2

Ok. So the first thing I promised myself when I started this blog is that I would be honest in everything that I put down here. So here is the first honest truth: this is actually my second attempt at writing a blog. My first attempt was way back in February, and I closed it after about two months because I didn't know what to do with it after my first post... lol!

Oh I suppose the very idea of not knowing what to talk or post about sounds downright foreign to some people, but sometimes I feel as though conversation with my fellow homo sapiens is littered with awkward silences and stammered sentences (on my part).

But my often awkward communication skills should be a story for another day. I doubt anyone (including myself) wants to hear me griping about how my communication skills can sometimes be inferior to that of a 5-year-old.

So this attempt no. 2 of blogging will be about all the dull and uninteresting, uh I mean, exciting and fascinating things that is going on in my life. As well as any kind of quirky or random thoughts that enter my head.

Hopefully, there won't be an attempt no. 3 (because that would just be sad).