Sunday, March 14, 2010

Like a Phoenix that rises from the ashes...

YES. I HAVE RETURNED.

I have to be honest.

Firstly, I had always wanted to use that phoenix metaphor in conversation or in writing :) .

Secondly, I didn't actually plan to stop blogging, it just sort of happened. I started work at Kinokuniya, and all of a sudden it was the end of 2009 and I hadn't posted a single blog post since the end of August. So maybe I can blame it Kino :) .

Oh, hold on. I can blame it on Kino. Now I remember the reason I stopped blogging was because I didn't want my superiors to know what I really felt about them and the bureaucracy at the outlet. I remember always reading about those articles about employees being fired from their jobs because of the stuff they post online. So I decided to be a good, diligent employee and completely separate my professional life from my personal. Which resulted in the utter abandonment of this unfortunate blog. Which was a pity, because I had a lot of 'interesting' experiences while working there. Maybe if I remember I'll blog about them.

I feel old in the AUP. Almost all of my seniors were born in 1991, making me older than them. And almost my entire ENL101 class just finished their SPM, which made me realise that it had been two years since I collected my own SPM results o.O . And most of them are still 17, which made realize, not for the first time, that I would be 20 this year *shudders*. The good thing is that my birthday is in November, so I still qualify as a 19 year old. It's not really the fact I'm turning 20, but more to do with that I don't feel like an adult at all yet. Even though I can legally smoke, drink and drive without getting arrested. But done separately, of course.

And I plan to get a camera! Honestly, life in university has changed me. I was looking through some Facebook albums the other day, and it made me realise that I want to keep a visual record of my life. And also I realised that I'm getting a little forgetful @.@ . Another cause for self-pitying depression.

So does anyone have any recommendations for affordable, yet good quality, cameras? Please be reminded that you are dealing with someone who doesn't understand fully the concept of pixels, so please use non-technical language. :)

On a side note, does anyone know how to change blogskins? I am so tired of the monotonous blogger blogskin (hey, alliteration!). Again, I don't really know the difference between html and http, so please use non-technical language. :)

Monday, August 31, 2009

Merdeka

I am not a patriotic person. Never have been, probably never will be.

This is Malaysia, after all, where the police force are so corrupt that they would actually ask for bribes.

Where our politicians, our so-called leaders bicker in parliament like kindergarteners and live off the people's taxes.

Where there is supposed freedom of speech, but where respected journalists are imprisoned and peaceful demonstrations are dispersed by tear gas and deemed seditious.

Where there is supposed freedom of religion, but where religious leaders feel that their people are so stupid that they can't even discern between their own teachings and teachings of other religions.

Where the education system is such a mess where students are treated as guinea pigs for the governments innovative experiments.

Where there is supposed to be no racial bias but where scholarships are decided mostly by race.

Where there is ISA. Which is why I should stop writing :)

But yet, I still care for Malaysia.

After all, this is the country where its people can somehow converse in several languages in a single conversation.

This is the country where most people of many races and religions mix and get along well. Most of the time.

This is the country where food is uniquely Malaysian and always delicious.

This is the country that produced the no. 1 in squash and badminton.

This is a country where we can still be connected to the rest of the world through the Internet.

This is a country whose people are fairly prosperous and can sleep peacefully in their beds at night.

This is the country where I have almost all of my family and friends.

I am still not a very patriotic person. Malaysia isn't anywhere near perfect. Very, very, very far, actually. But I couldn't imagine my life and home anywhere else.

Happy 52nd Merdeka, everyone!

Monday, August 10, 2009

The Book of If

So A level results are out! And here is what they look like:

Bio - B(!)
Chem - A
Maths - A
Physics - B

Alright, I know that before results came out I may have said that I would be happy with just passing. Haha. All the bad spots in exams just kept running through my head when I said that.

But I have to be honest. I'm not really that happy about my results. Well, physics is ok, but I was really hoping for better with bio. In fact, the kiasu side of me thinks I should have the subject rechecked and remarked. Sigh. The extremely kiasu side thinks no respectable university would want to give me any kind of scholarship because there are too many people better than me.

I hate to admit it too, but the egotistical side has been slightly bruised, even though it has no business to be. Even worse, how I feel right now is much due to people's perception of me. What will people think when I only got 2A's for my A levels? What will they think when the A I originally got for bio for AS has been downgraded to a second-grade B? I've looked down on others before, what would stop them from looking down on me?

Sigh. It's all just in my head.

I suppose, looking back, there were many things I could have and should have done better. I think if I had worked just a little harder I would have been able to get straight A's. But there's a lot of ifs. It could fill a book. In fact, The Book of If would be the longest ever written. And it would never be finished either.

But now I digress a bit. As I write this now, I'm congratulating some of my friends who did pretty darn well. And I'm truly, genuinely happy for everyone that did well. Being happy for them makes me feel a little better about myself. But there is a small, bitter part of me that wonders, how did they do better than me? But then, I only know how hard I worked. I know I didn't do my best. I think everyone else probably worked pretty damn hard to do well. But in the end, it's only me that's putting myself under this stress. Absolutely no one I know has ever hoped for me to do badly at something. So I'm very thankful to be somehow surrounded by people that are terrifically encouraging of me.

Perhaps with A Levels well and truly a thing of the past, maybe I can go on with my life. I feel like my life has been in some kind of limbo while waiting for my results. If only I did better for bio, I'd be as happy as a clam. If only, right?

Ah well. It'll take a while for me to close that book. It's over and done with. Time to move on. The laidback side of me thinks I'll be ok.

(I still feel like I should send bio for rechecking. Even if it comes back the same result, at least I'll be sure. Or maybe that's just the denial speaking.)

Sunday, August 9, 2009

A Few More Hours

That's right, A Level results will be released in just 9 hours! I thought I would be able to prepare myself mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and whatever other aspect, but it's been somewhat unsuccessful.

Then I tried to downplay the importance of these results, but then I realised it wouldn't work either. Denial may bring bliss, but it's temporary bliss.

So I guess I'll have to take it as it comes. Nothing else I can do, right?

Except to toss and turn all night and think about what I could have done better.

Sigh. I think it might be a long night.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

The Much-Fabled Bukit Tabur

So this morning I finally climbed the much-fabled Bukit Tabur, which I've been wanting to do so for quite a while, along with Alicia, Andrew, Daryl, Elise, Jen Lyn, Phraveen and Vishal. To those who don't know, it's the hill/mountain behind Melawati where people can go hiking. Yes, I know that's a most accurate description.

This was actually my first time hiking/mountain-climbing/jungle-trekking. So this was something completely new for me. Heck, this was probably my first time doing anything this outdoorsy. Well, there was that Gua Tempurung trip in Form 1 (which was quite fun), but that's a whole other story.

I think I seriously underestimated the difficulty of the trail (and probably overestimated my own fitness as well. Haha.) I'm not quite sure which was the most physically taxing; going up the steep, rocky trail which left me an unpleasant combination of slight nausea, mild cramping and numerous stitches in my sides; climbing up and down near vertical rock faces; or descending the slippery, earth-sodden path which made me highly value the flexibility of my knees and ankles. Not to mention I got stung by a bee for the first time. Heh.

Alright, so the experience was long (3 hours 45 minutes), exhausting (the legs ache pretty much everywhere) and quite, quite painful, but I actually really enjoyed the whole thing (not so much the bee sting though). Maybe it's my dormant sense of adventure. Hehe. My Aunty K would be proud.

Next up, Mount Kinabalu! Woot!

Friday, July 31, 2009

That Sneaky Time

It's been more than month since A Levels finished, and it seems that pretty much everyone that finished the same time me has pretty much their futures sewn up. Alright, so perhaps that's a slight exaggeration, but a definite academic course of action seems to be already etched on one's own life plan. People are shooting off to the States, the UK, other unis around the country.

Incidentally, I didn't plan on waiting for my results (just 10 days away!) before making any actual inquiries or applications to university. Somehow it was already exam time before I realised it, and now almost two months has passed and I haven't really done anything for my academic future. Somehow I feel that so many others are able to make things happen for themselves, but I only seem to wait for things to happen to me.

But I manged to tell myself this counter-argument. That the time I spend not applying or inquiring into various universities could be spent for self-discovery instead. Which I find most appealing, because I'm still not entirely decided on what course I want to study. I don't want to rush into studying into some random thing just for the sake of studying. Maybe I could spend the time doing my research, trying out new things, get a job.

The one small hole in that lovely theory is that I haven't done much of those either.

So I guess that leads to my first argument. That I should take action instinctively. Without hesitation or fear of change and/or failure. But I think it's mostly change. My life has been quite so safe and comfortable up to now that maybe I'd rather not change.

But to be honest, it's getting rather boring. So maybe that will galvanise me into action. That and the prospect of my A Levels results (*gasps and shudders simultaneously*).

And then there's driving too. Dammit la. What the hell am I doing with myself?

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The Actual Aftermath

I feel a little lethargic. Maybe it's because of the sudden abundance of free time I have now that A levels are done and dusted. Or maybe I was just so used to the stress that I didn't how to get on without it. That sounded both strange and rather sad.

But it felt great not to no longer have the pressure of studying, nor the fear of the consequences of NOT studying. For a while, anyway. It's been only a few days, but these few days have made me feel like I should be doing something more productive, instead of sitting at home all day long.
But that's more or less what I've wanted while I was still studying. The freedom to not do anything productive whatsoever.

There, I'm ranting again. Not sure if it made any sense, but who the hell cares, right? Well, not me anyway. But this should not be mistaken for me wanting to go through all that insanity. I'd rather become part of the furniture. But yes, activities need to planned for myself. Not to mention my academic future. But that's whole other story.

OK, I don't really have much time, because I have to leave for church before 5.30. And then later tonight I'll be leaving for Redang with the collegemates. Muahahaha. Perhaps a good holiday will get me out this slump. So I really need to start packing right now.

************

Rest in the peace of Christ, Mr Dass. I meant to post something on you but I really couldn't think of what to write. So I hope this would suffice.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The de facto Aftermath

Technically, my exams aren't over yet, but I feel as though I've earned a reprieve after surviving the double whammy that was Chemistry 4 and Physics 4 today, as well as Bio 4 and Pure Maths last friday. For some reason, the scheduling monkeys at Cambridge decided to put the two papers with the highest percentage (38%!) on the same day. Somehow, today felt like the de facto climax of the whole exam season, because I probably won't be feeling the same degree of stress that I've had the past few days.

Honestly, the stress has been so bad the past few days that not only have I been able to sleep only after tossing and turning for about an hour, my dreams have consisted of twisted permutations of infinitely large exam halls and human-sized A4 papers that try to smother while I keep trying to fall asleep. And then I have to get up to study to calm myself down.

To be frank, all this stress is completely my own fault. I really did not work anywhere near as hard as I should have, and I spent part of Tuesday night wondering how in the name of all things holy I managed to pull myself into this supermassively ginormous black hole.

OK, so I'm pushing the boundaries of credible vocabulary. But the last-minute pressure was really something I hadn't experienced before, so much so that I almost wanted to throw in the proverbial towel. Or in this case, several tonnes of notes, exercises and past-year questions. (Well, maybe not tonnes; kilos would be more realistic. But that's still a lot.)

But anyway, I managed to get through it. And I should be going through my notes for my resit of physics practical tomorrow. I think it'll be ok though, it takes up only 12% of the overall marks, and I think practical for physics is considerably easier and more straightforward than say, chemistry, which always has the potential for unmitigated catastrophe .

I finish exams on tuesday, which is only 6 days away! A Levels will be done and dusted. Woot!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Tagged - by Jun Yow

Personal Details
  1. What's your name? Darren Cheah.
  2. If you could change your name what would it be? Jericho. Well, it's my blog name.
  3. What is your age? 18.
  4. What is the age your waiting for to come? 19.
  5. Whats your address? Taman Melawati. I'm not giving the full address alright? After that I kena stalked.
  6. If you can stay anywhere, where would you stay? Antarctica. But given it's slightly lacking modern civilization, maybe Ireland instead.
  7. When was the last time you cried? Last year's Overnight Vigil.
  8. When did you have the best sleepover? The last sleepover I had was the Sunway thing. I'm not sure if that counts; after all, it was six of us in one hotel room with one bed.
  9. What was the last song you heard? Amy Winehouse - Back to Black.
  10. When was the most dramatic and sad crying moment you've ever had? At last year's Overnight Vigil, during the Adoration. It was like Niagara Falls.
  11. When was the last time you said "I Love You" to the girl you love? The last time is yet to come.
  12. What were your last words for the person you love and now she's gone? You lost me at goodbye.
  13. When was the last time you hugged someone? I don't remember. I don't hug people that often, honestly.
  14. Had any love letters, song dedicated to you, roses, chocolates or other stuff relating to love? Nope. Shouldn't these questions come under the 'about love' section?
  15. If you answered yes to question 14 then when was the first time you got it? The first time would be the first time la. Obviously it won't be the second time.
  16. Who was the last person you chat with on msn? I don't remember. Heck, I haven't been on MSN for weeks.
  17. Has a girl ever called you handsome? Nope. If she did, I'll be on the guard for hidden agendas.
  18. Has a girl ever liked you before? I dunno. How would I know anyway?
  19. Do you actually love your enemies? I don't have any enemies. At least, I don't think so.
  20. Do you like someone? Plenty of people. Family and friends, for instance.
  21. Do you hate your family at times? Very seldom nowadays. That's a good thing right?
  22. Are you blessed to be who you are today? Absolutely.
  23. Are you a rule-breaker? Depends on the rule. And the consequences.
  24. Did you cry yourself to sleep before? No. How can you fall asleep lying on a wet pillow anyway?
  25. Are you Asian? No. Earth-dweller.
  26. Are you in love with a movie star? YES! I have a secret *fill in any random celebrity* scrapbook where I keep my beloved's sweet wrappers and used tissues.
  27. Are you gay? Methinks not.
  28. Have you ever eaten something rotten and it taste good? No, I can usually smell the rottenness first.
  29. Do you prefer girls or boys better? They're both good :)
  30. Do you think one of your friends will become a beggar when they grow up? Perhaps. But it wouldn't count, since the poeple I have in mind are probably not my friends.
  31. Would you rather lick peanut butter of a hobo's foot or lick it of your dog's butt? I would have to observe the state of the prospective foot and/or butt.
  32. Would you rather give up your books or your music collection for a month? Music. I like my books. But I have the radio and TV on most of the time. So that might be a problem.
  33. Would you rather eat the same food for one whole week or eat ants for one whole week? The same food la. But I were eating for one whole week, I'd still be eating the same food for one whole. Is this some kind of trick question?
  34. Would you rather stick your head into a trash can or into a river full of trash? Trash can. The Klang River and Gombak River are radioactive. It's just a hypothesis though; I don't want to be the one to test it.
  35. Would you rather have the same old subject with different teachers or different subjects with the same teacher? Is it possible for one teacher to be able to teach many different subjects?

About Love

  1. Name 3 guys you like as brothers. I'd rather have them as friends.
  2. Why do you like them as brothers? Because I don't like them as friends.
  3. Name 3 girls you like as sisters. Again, rather them be my friends.
  4. Why do you like them as sisters? See no. 2.
  5. Name 3 teachers you like. Alex Chan, Chuah SP, Mr. Ganesh.
  6. Why do you like them? Alex - because my foundation in chemistry is rock solid. Chuah - because I think he might haunt me if I didn't put him here. Come to think of it, I don't think he ever cared about being liked. Ganesh - because Benjamin made him seem like a godsend.
  7. Would you cry if the ones on top you mentioned for the boys, girls, teachers died tomorrow? Well, Chuah's moved on. And I didn't cry. I did write that very nice tribute though.
  8. What is love? Love is not hate.
  9. When did you found out about love? In my lifetime.
  10. Do you hate them sometimes? Oh yes. I hate "them" a lot.
  11. What colour shirt are you wearing now? Green.
  12. What colour is your pants? Dark blue.
  13. What are you doing? Attempting to study Electromagnetism. But obviously I'm blogging instead.
  14. How do you feel? Hungry. And stressed and strained. I must have a very, very high Young Modulus (understandable only for those who study physics).

For some reason all my tags seem to come from Jun Yow. Anyway, I tag anyone on my list who hasn't done this yet.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Point Form

Right. First of all, my blog has not become extinct. It's just been dormant, like a volcano. Yes, I just compared my blog to a volcano. But I have a valid excuse, unfortunately which has almost everything to do with my trial and impending exams. I have been excessively lazy to update as well, but I don't think that qualifies as an excuse.

OK, so since it's been two months since I last had any digital contact with this blog (or any other online journal, for that matter), I shall take a cue from Amelia and attempt to shorten the tales of the past two months into point form.

  • Ironically, I'm typing this from the CIT, when I just held my ground against temptation (well, Daryl and Vishal actually) to go cybercafeing. Oh, I know, people will think, since when does Darren ever go to CC? Just once before actually; but you can never go wrong with computer games that involve visceral violence and mass destruction on a digital scale.
  • Dammit, that was too long. This is supposed to be in point form!
  • Trials was dreadful. The only thing I will say is that bio, physics and chem are now on equal ground. Let's leave that and move on.
  • A2 is in 3 weeks. That, boys and girls, is a very, very short time.
  • Celebrated Kern Wen's birthday on Friday. It was great to see everyone again. I find it interesting that everything is still the same even though I only see them every several weeks, and months sometimes.
  • I think captainball is the only exercise I've been getting for the past 2 1/2 months.
  • I am going to be involved in another performance thingy for church, this time about the life of St. Paul. Not that I had much of a choice, Mum's already been in discussions for weeks.
  • Sha just told me that I should be studying; this is my response.
  • After exams: Redang trip with college mates, 13th-16th June; Langkawi trip (hopefully I can go this time) with school friends, I don't know when; Shan and Laura coming home, 20th June to 11th July (that's the plan).
  • I might go to Australia next year to study, though nothing certain yet. I really wish I had been more proactive about my university prospects.
  • I am now an official church organist. It started with church piano, so one might say that I've been upgraded (or downgraded, depending on your disposition).
  • I had my IELTS last Saturday, which went better than I thought it would, especially the Speaking component.
  • I'm resitting AS physics. Even more reason to study.

I can't believe I actually remembered to do this (by Jun Yow and Cheryl):

DIRECTION: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you. At last, choose five people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.

  1. I've always wanted to visit Antarctica.
  2. I have a thing for geology and astronomy. I have a thing for science in general, actually.
  3. The Biggest Loser is my new favourite reality show.
  4. The one thing I always do when I go online is to check the tennis news.
  5. Speaking of which, tennis is the only sport which I care about.
  6. My mum is a Manchester United fan; but my brother's for Liverpool.
  7. I just don't get football; honestly I couldn't care less if both MU and Liverpool get relegated over Portsmouth and Wigan Athletic.
  8. My favourite place in any mall is the bookstore. Say or think what you will.
  9. I don't really like sharing books. If I do lend books, there are certain rules the borrower must adhere to. Not so much about textbooks though. I have gotten a little better since my school days.
  10. I happen to also enjoy comics. There, I have variation in my reading!
  11. I think I watch the E! channel a bit too much.
  12. I have a memory for selected and totally unnecessary information.
  13. I once painted one of my nails during bio practical.
  14. I have seven bags of plastic under my desk which I will take for recycling once I learn how to drive. Which will be very,very soon. After my exams anyway.
  15. What the heck's so great about Mafia and Restaurant City?
  16. I tend to overthink things. Like how I just spent the last one minute trying to think of the last random thing.

I shall tag --

  • Sha ~ because she's told me several times to update my blog and I didn't.
  • Sarah ~ since we're formerweds.
  • Phraveen ~ I'm not sure if he even knows I have a blog.
  • Alyssa ~ just for the sake of doing so.
  • Leconte ~ just to fill the last space. And I'm quite sure he won't do this.

I'm not sure I should go to the library or go home. Either way, I need to study. How many times did I mention that I need to study? OK, I should stop now.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Quick Update

Alright alright, I know I have been neglecting my blog of late. Fine, not of late, for the past month.

Honestly, I'm feeling rather tired at the moment, and I don't any inspirational energy to write smart or interesting. Not to mention I have extra classes tomorrow. So this is just something for February and to let people know that I haven't completely abandoned this blog. And that I haven't died yet either.

Oh, and Happy belated Birthday Chin Hong! All right, I should confess that I don't remember the exact date of your birthday, just that it's in late February. And sorry for missing your party! So I hope this will be good enough.

And because she has pestering me to say so the last couple of times I saw her, it shall be stated that Cheryl is an awesome driver. Except for that slight mishap with the ticket booth and potted plant. Don't pretend you don't remember!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Back to the Ball and Chain

Ahh... so college began once more on Monday. It's almost like going back to school, as we follow the public school holidays. All new timetables, some new lecturers, and somehow I feel like I'm already back to college routine even after five weeks of holidays.

For instance, today I asked my applied maths lecturer what'll be coming out for the upcoming tests. Yes, on the second day of the new semester. The disturbing thing is that I only realized the kiasuness when Harn reminded that it was indeed the second of the new semester. This is what happens when one has trials by the end of March and has to finish studying A2 by then. Which is quite a lot and a period of time which will pass faster than we realize.

Blegh... again I'm blogging too much on college stuff. Honestly I couldn't think of anything else to blog about. I have to try to blog on other things.

And I suppose I should apologize to those people (ahem) that freaked out when I posted about the pseudo-release of AS results in my panic-induced stupor. And for correcting it 10 days late. Ahem. Ahem.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

2009!

2009 has officially begun! Muahahaha... Anyway, I have decided to list out resolutions for the new year; though whether or not they will be done is another matter altogether...
  1. Work my ass off (and any other body part if I have to) to do well for my A2.
  2. Have a definite plan for university and courses by March.
  3. Lose all (or at least 75%) of my body fat and become healthier and fitter.
  4. Not run away when I see people with whom I'm afraid of experiencing (imagined or feared) awkward conversations or situations.
  5. Give birthday and christmas presents to family.
  6. Further increase my piano-playing skills and knowledge in basic music theory and harmony.
  7. Continue learning to play my violin, and not lose my patience even if it makes my ears bleed.
  8. Get some kind of music player.
  9. Learn to f***ing drive, and not put it off for 2010.
  10. Be as environmentally conscious as financially possible.
  11. Be more friendly, sociable and outgoing.
  12. Don't be afraid to speak or to be myself.
  13. Open up more to friends and family.
  14. Always think the best of others.
  15. Take chances (sensible ones, anyway).
  16. Be more optimistic and relaxed in everthing I do.

And that, good readers, is what I plan to do for myself in 2009. I wonder if it's more than the usual number of resolutions than people normally do. Hmm... Anyway, cheers to a great 2009, everyone! :D

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008

Life is always so full of ironies. I've been putting off blogging for the past few days, so to save time for today's post, being the last day of the year. Originally, I had wanted to write about a (ahem)contemplative and retrospective reflection on my year that was 2008. This kind of deep thinking (ahem, again) usually takes a while, and since I've been out of the house for most of the day, and I have to get ready to go for New Year's Eve mass in about an hour, there really won't be sufficient time.

So I'll just keep it simple. It really just feels like another day, even though the next day I'll be stepping into a brand new year. 2008 was the first year I'd spent out of school, and my first year as a college student. Though I have to say, I feel like I've been studying more than anything else. The only difference is that I am more independent, and there's no longer the burden of school uniforms.

And this year I feel as though I've really grown as a person, more figuratively than literally (I think I've already maxed my height. Oh well.) I don't really know how to explain it; but I just feel less afraid of being open with people, of trusting them, of being friendly and proactive. Not completely anyway, I still many ways to go. And I've also learnt the value of good friends and family. There, I hope I've managed to say it without getting too schmaltzy. And there's a bunch of other stuff too, but I can't really fit it in now.

So I think I'm more or less ready for 2009. Hopefully :)

Monday, December 22, 2008

Knock Wood, Knock Wood

I just found out that the AS results would be out tomorrow (that is today, 22nd Dec), and really not in a way which I would have thought. Wynxon (thanks a lot, man) typed it in passing while commenting on, of all things, a picture of an infrared lizard. At which when I saw his comment, I gasped very audibly at the computer screen and immediately chatted him up, which went something like this:
Me: AS results out tmrw?!
Wynxon: (long explanation which I am too lazy to post)
Me: omh
omg
seriously ah?!
Wynxon: huh?
So as one can easily deduce, I momentarily (and completely) freaked out. Still a little jittery, to be honest. This is coupled with the fact that I've haven't really studied much of A2. This is the first time that I've ever felt so unnerved about receiving a public exam result, mostly due to the possibility that I may have screwed up pretty badly.

I can actually get by tomorrow, or I can just wait until the new semester begins. I usually believe in getting things over and done with quickly (most of the time anyway), especially when it comes to receiving exam results. But I don't think that I could spend the rest of the holidays asking myself every 'what if?' question I can think of. So for now, I think I'll wait till after New Year.

Edit (31/12/08): Well, this is a little late, but it was actually a false alarm. I can collect the slip to access my results online, which will only be available from 21 January, at 0900 hours Greenwich time. So I basically panicked for nothing. Oh, well. At least I got most of the nerves out of my system.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Blathering Rants

When I woke up this morning it was raining. Apparently it had been raining since pretty early this morning too. And it is still raining! Not very heavy rain, but steady enough to make the air pretty cool. But cool is good; it's the closest thing this country has to a snowy day. And I haven't seen a single patch of blue sky since, well, yesterday. Not that I've been able to check; it's hard to check the entire skies without stepping out of the house and getting wet. The assumption is based upon observations looking out the front porch window.

Frankly, the sky looks so dull and grey and gloomy that it's like it just went through a bad breakup. Maybe the sun had an affair with the moon during the last solar eclipse and the sky found out during the last lunar eclipse and is taking out its misery upon us poor unfortunates upon the Earth. That's just a theory anyway.

Concerning other matters, my phone has been acting kooky lately. I haven't been able to hear anything when making or receiving calls, but the caller or receiver can. Strangely enough, it works perfectly fine when I put the phone on speaker. I want to get it checked out, but I have the feeling that this will somehow get procratinated until the next blue moon.

Speaking of blue moons, I'm actually typing this post from my home computer (last post was from my dad's laptop). So yes, the home internet is running at a very respectable speed. Unlike for the past few days, when internet usage usually included the internet not responding, sending (or not) a report to Windows, rebooting the computer so that the Internet could (or not) work properly again, and repeating the process several times until I gave up decided to go watch TV instead. No doubt it will happen again, so I'm trying to savour the moment.

And last night the parents went to play Bingo in church! Hahaha. They didn't come home till one-thirty in the morning. It's actually a regular thing; Father Patrick has a Bingo set, and a group of them get together in the Resource Centre. It costs RM 5 to enter one round, so if several people play, you can actually win quite a bit of money! And no, the parents hardly won any money last night; Lady Luck is really quite very fickle.

As I type this last sentence, it is still raining.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Advent

I know it's been more than a month since I last blogged, but I have some pretty good excuses. Firstly, exams. Secondly, my home internet only runs at a normal speed once every blue moon. Thirdly, I've just been a little lazy since the holidays began.

All right, so the last one doesn't really count. But yes, AS has finished, and the holidays have begun. I would blog a bit about my exams, but thinking about it will just bring 'what if I had done this instead of that' thoughts back to my head. So I'll just say: exams were ok, but could have been better; and leave it at that.

And I am officially 18 years old! Hahahaha. What's there to say about turning 18 and legal? Honestly, it doesn't feel like anything special. Perhaps the moment has passed; my birthday was almost a fortnight ago.

Christmas is just round the corner. Well, four weeks is a pretty large corner. When I was younger, it used to be my favourite time of the year, when the Christmas tree would be set up, I would be getting presents, there would be all sorts of Christmassy activities to pursue, and free time provided by the long holidays. Now, I really can't be bothered about the Christmas tree, presents and so-called Christmassy activities don't serve much importance, and the holidays are just quite a dull time. I refuse to say anything about the Christmas spirit, because then it would feel like I'm in one of those cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies.

And I have been tagged (by Kern Wen and Jun Yow)! Hahahaha. My first time, so this should be interesting.

Instructions: Remove one question from below and add in your personal question. Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people. List them out at the end of the post.

1. What’s your ambition?
To be the best version of me that I can be.

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
You can't choose! They're equally important.

3. How often do you think about suicide?
Never; though I have thought about quick and painless deaths.

4. What if you found out that your wife/husband is having an affair?
I don't know, I've never even been in a relationship to begin with. I suppose the logical thing would be to calmly sit down and discuss what drove her to have the affair in the first place.

5. How many babies you want?
Let's first get married and we'll go from there.

6. Favorite perfume/fragrance?
None, unless you count deodarant and the cologne my mum gave me several birthdays (or was it Christmases?) ago which I have only used once or twice.

7. What do you think will be your greatest downfall?
Incoherent communication skills and fickle-mindedness.

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
Yes, otherwise there would be no such thing as marriage, would there?

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to you (List 10)?
Intelligent; independent; a quirky sense of humour; kind; equal footing; practical; mature but not uptight or condescending; not too emotionally sensitive; honest/trustworthy; a good listener.

10. What feeling do you love most?
Contentment.

11. What are your bad habits?
Avoiding a problem and hoping that it would just go away.

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people who hate you?
Use that energy for something else. You might just do something worthwhile.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
One does one's best.

14. What do you hate most in others?
Prejudiced opinions.

15. What have you secretly always wanted to be, knowing that it to be impossible?
To become the next Roger Federer. Hahaha..

16. What features/quirks do you find totally sexy on a guy/girl? Eyes. It's the only feature where you can tell someone's mood or personality.

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Kern Wen: somehow thinks he's the sexiest man alive.
Jun Yow: slightly mental and sick in the head.

18. What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
Becoming more comfortable with myself.

19. What will you become in another 10 years to come?
To have a successful career and be financially independent.

20. What is something you will never regret doing?
Getting my dog Suzie from the SPCA.

I tag... any 8 people who have read this and have nothing else better to do :) .

Sunday, October 26, 2008

In Memory of Biology

Personally, I've always liked biology. Half the people in my class think I'm crazy, but there you go. Mr. Chuah was my biology teacher for Form 4 and 5 and had been a constant in the school since I arrived in Form 1. So it was strange shift in reality when I found out that he had left this year because of his health. We all knew that he had to be in pretty bad condition for him to stop teaching. But it still came as shock when Clement SMSed me to say that Mr. Chuah had passed away from a heart attack.

In all honesty, though, my liking for biology had nothing whatsoever to do with Mr. Chuah's influence. To put it bluntly, he was as uninspiring as a sheet of sandpaper. He was the perfect epitome of the jaded senior teacher, one who possibly had been quite enthusiastic about his profession when he was younger, and who'd seen far too many winters (or in Manglish, monsoon seasons) during his tenure.

His teaching voice, which I can never forget, was monotonous enough to put anyone who was attempting to pay attention into mind-numbing doldrums. More of often than not, most people wouldn't even bother trying. I still remember the very first bio class, when he spent an hour and twenty minutes droning on and on about the study and origins of Biology, which comprised of just the first two pages of our textbook. From then on, bio classes would be usually two periods of talking (albeit relatively quietly), playing our own games (quite discreetly), doing our own work, or just plain sleeping.

He should be given credit, though, for trying to make classes more high-tech by bringing in the projector to make things slightly more colourful and interactive. And it was, sometimes, when there were pictures of the weird and wonderful, and the videos which sort of interesting at times. Unfortunately, the lights would be turned off, which made the class even more conducive for sleeping or other stuff that wouldn't be easily noticed.

Strangely enough, he never did seem to care about people doing their own work while he was teaching, or even sleeping (he did have it in against Dennis Toh, though). Or maybe he was just plain oblivious, which I highly doubt (teachers, as I've learnt being a student for 12 years, are much more perceptive than we give them credit for). I remember once, having the sudden noble oomph to pay full attention, planted myself next to a friend in the second row right in front of the whiteboard. As always, the execution proved too burdensome of a task. I had a good sleep for about 15 minutes during the second period, and woke to hear him going on about the different types of hormones. Honestly, you can be doing add maths right in the front row, fully equipped with graph paper and electronic calculator, and he'd probably keep talking.

Which brings me to the next point. Being as jaded as he was, he was so cynical that he probably wouldn't be moved even by the thought of children in poverty. Oh all right, maybe not, but he was very, very cynical of our performances in exams. He frequently said things like 'half of you all probably cannot even pass' or 'most of you not are not even becoming doctors, so why bother to study biology?'.

And Mr. Chuah, never, ever actually smiled in class, even though most of us still tried joking with him and treated with some form of friendliness. His 'smile' was more of a grimace, where he seemed to force his cheek muscles into curving upwards. And when he did actually smile, not grimace, it was rather quite scary. I think, to most people, he served as a personal challenge, where they would try to make him smile or (gasp!) laugh, and pry him for his personal and family details. Of course, no one could get a peep out of him (to my knowledge, anyway).

I do remember, as he was becoming increasingly sickly nearing our SPM and he had to go on leave for an operation, we (or to be more accurate, I think, Cheryl and Leconte) got a get-well-card and had everyone sign it. When we gave it to him, there seemed to be a hint of a tear in his eye! No one was sure, but some weeks later, someone said he/she saw the card on his table in the staff room. Maybe he wasn't as cynical or jaded as we thought him to be.

As he was the only biology teacher in the school, the 4S and 5S classes (and maybe K and L) would inevitably be taught by him. I think everyone will say that it was a most memorable experience, though not necessarily in the good sense. But once you leave school, and especially now that Mr. Chuah is gone, we can appreciate for the job he had done, for teaching us Biology the only way he knew how. It was all part of school life. And we can look back on those memories and laugh at those crazy times Mr. Chuah spent teaching us.

I'll always remember you, Mr. Chuah. God bless you and may you rest in peace.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Exam Post

My sister was asked by one of her customers (rich malay pro-government guy living in huge bungalow and owner of 5 cars, including 2 Mercedes; go figure...) to cater for a function at his house for around 300 people this saturday. Apparently his guests include many, many orang kenamaan, so everything, from the toasted bread to the nasi lemak and butter marble cake dessert, has to be perfect. Not that my sister and brother-in-law care about the many tetamu kenamaan, they just want the money and customers.

Since my mum is the official cake supplier of my sister's kopitiam/restaurant, cakes have been flying out of my mum's oven so fast and so many that there aren't enough oven mitts to go round. Well, that's a bit of a stretch, but the bottom line is that my mum has been baking around 7 cakes a day since tuesday.


Many, many cakes... there were actually more than these, but my sister had already taken a few earlier in the day and yesterday.

I am still trying to recover from yesterday's disastrous chemistry practical exam. So many things went wrong that I'm not really sure how to elaborate. From the fact that I couldn't figure out the final answer from my titration experiment, to the horribly untidy and unclear observations for salt analysis, to my own careless stupidity of forgetting to write down the chemical properties of the unknown chemical FA5, and that somehow the range of everyone's answers was from the minimum of 1 to the maximum of 10.

However, I am slightly consoled by the fact that I'm not the only whose practical was one unreactive mess. There were leaking burettes (new, or so they said); one of my friends (who would probably prefer to remain unnamed) had to use her mouth (!) to fill her pipette because her pipette filler couldn't work. The worst case was when someone else ran out of chemicals for the titration experiment, and they weren't any extra, and she wasn't allowed to take any from anyone else! The icing on the cake (or salt rubbed on a wound) was that this was the AS exams, the big Cambridge exam which everyone had preparing for the past year, and an exam which could significantly affect one's academic future or even career. So absolutely no pressure whatsoever. Ironically enough, I actually thought that chemistry would be my best practical. Clement, Dennis Toh or Saran, if you're reading this, shut up!

Today we had chemistry lecture, and this is the advice my lecturer gave us (paraphrasing):
"You must all focus on your next exams, don't worry about the practical otherwise you won't be able to sleep wan... don't ask me the answers for the practical, if I told you even more cannot sleep wan..." '__'

And then there was pure maths. I actually thought I had done decently well, until everyone got into an intense discussion about the paper and I found out that I had made grievously, minid-numbingly stupid mistakes. Let's just say the mistake could have been averted if I had just cross-checked my answer with the question. It still hurts to think about it, to be honest. Lesson learnt, though: never, ever discuss a paper after the exam.

That's only 2 exams done, I still have 9 (I think) to go. Up next week: Bio practical and applied maths (statistics).....

On a completely unrelated note, I found this article on yahoo which takes to a whole new level the saying 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned':
http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/online-divorcee-jailed-after-killing-virtual-hubby/1259111

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Deep Breath before the Plunge

So... in approximately 8 hrs and 15 minutes I will be sitting for my first AS exam, pure maths. Strangely enough, this paper I'm actually the relatively confident about, but the nervousness is still there. In unpleasently large amounts, if I'm being honest.

But it is the first exam, so I suppose you could call it the deep breath before the plunge, when one is afraid of that the water's so cold one would have to give up immediately, or whether one makes a bad mistake and hits his head on a rock and won't survive, or whether one dives in too deep and starts panicking so much that everything that's been learnt vanishes with the one second spent too long underwater. Most of all, one wonders whether he or she has prepared enough, practiced enough, worked hard enough, to make sure these things won't happen.

But the nervousness manifests itself in a variety of ways, one of which is me blogging right now at one o'clock in the morning. The other is that I try to take everything I need and more, so that I am prepared for any possible disaster (knock wood).

So this is the checklist I was going through my mind when I was packing 30 minutes ago (in no particular order) :
  1. Statement of exam entry.
  2. Notes and past year questions.
  3. Two calculators - 570MS and 350MS, in case of the occurrance of my 570 going kaput (again, knock wood).
  4. Chewing gum, which helps me think more clearly.
  5. 2-3 packs of tissue, in case nature calls (knock wood again), or anything other emergency.
  6. 4 different types of pen, each type in black and blue, plus one red pen for underlining, two mechanical pencils (each stocked with sufficient lead) and one eraser; all placed in a clear ziploc bag.
  7. Protractors, compass, set square etc., also in the clear ziploc bag.
  8. Long clear plastic ruler.
  9. NOT ALLOWED: handphone, calculator cover, papers or notes, non-transparent stationery case and any other electronic study aids.

Right, the list did not sound so formal in my head, it's just how I write any kind of formal list. Also, I think I may have succeeded in making myself look like more neurotically-obsessive-compulsive-kiasu-study-nerdy-geeky than I already think I am, so I should mention in passing that I am really not like that in real life. Seriously.

It's already 1.30, so I'd really better stop and get some sleep. When I publish this post, it will be approximately 7 hours and 30 minutes until I step into that exam hall.